i like to speak my mind… but at times, i find it neccessary… better, safer… for the sake of the general well-being of the universe, that certain things i say never reach the ears (or screens) of those i’m speaking to, at least without them knowing who it’s directed at. so here’s a few notes which will never wittingly reach their recipients.
to the guy on the train: i’m still trying to decide- creepy or mysterious? i’m not going to lie tho, i’m leaning towards creepy. dropping a note in someones lap as you’re getting off a train is not a particularly efficient nor clever way of wooing them. (especially when the note is sloppily scrawled on a scrap of paper torn from the envelope your train tickets came in, sheepishly disguised as a bit of trash. you’re lucky i caught a glimpse of the writing on the inside, or i would not have unfolded it at all, but instead balled it up and flung it at your head. i appreciate your concern for my splinted wrist, and your recognizing and referencing the significance of the patch on my jacket, but the appropriate course of action would have been to say, “excuse me”, maybe even tap me on the shoulder, comment on it in a situation where i had a chance to actually see your face, and attempt to start a conversation like a grown-up. theoretically, we left the days of romancing via secret notes behind in middleschool. (at least you didn’t write in code and drop the key on a separate scrap of paper.) then again, maybe you are in middle school- i never did see who you were.
to a friend: it was good to see you, and especially good to see you happy. <3
to another friend: you’re a bum. i miss you. come visit again, and actually call me this time! i love you, dumbass.
to an old friend: shut up about him already! i’m glad your happy, really, but there are a few other things on this earth too. remember when we used to have actual conversations? i mean seriously, what the frick? what happened to us actually being friends? god, i know i tried, so it sure ain’t my fault. last i checked, we were best friends, but somewhere along the way you decided i wasn’t worth your time. i tried to plan things, you never came. i tried to just be around and let you plan things, you never bothered. i called you just to talk, it was like pulling teeth. fine, whatever. i tried. i don’t need to waste my time, i have plenty of other friends who actually want to bother being friends. but i guess you can give me a call when you realize you miss me.
to three dear friends: i love you all so much, and i’m really glad i could be there when you needed someone to talk to. it seems like your doing good, and i hope things keep looking up, but i’ll always be there when they’re not.
to a helpful friend: thanks! i’m glad you passed on the memo, it made my life a lot easier, and will save me probably a hundred bucks. you totally rock. (and i still owe you a hat!)
to a comrad in the social epic: it was good catching up. we’re totally on the same page… what’s with the rest of them? i’m gonna try to keep in touch with you more often.
to a silly friend: you’re fun. sometimes i don’t get you… but thats okay. and i still owe you ice cream.
to a sometimes frustrating friend: i’m glad things worked out for you, and i’m sorry that happened, but i can’t help feeling slightly bitter towards you, because at times you’re rather inconsiderate.
to a classy friend: you were looking very sharp when i saw you today. i wanted to give you a hug, but i’m awkward…
to a friend i have infinite respect for: you have such a good heart, and are the epitome of chivalry. it’s a shame you left before we got to hang out more, but i hope you have excellent fun on your adventure.
to a friend i adore: i haven’t seen you very much lately, and that makes me sad. you never fail to amaze me. it breaks my heart to know, while even you don’t, that you care so deeply for someone who can’t return it fully.
to a quiet friend: you also consistently blow my mind, but i wish you would open up a little. you act happy enough, but i can’t help but wanting to reassure you, give you a hug and promise the world isn’t really all that bad. you are brilliant and funny and sweet, but you’re so inaccessible…
to a new friend: you are gorgeous, witty, and quite classy. i hope we get to be very good friends (at least).
to a ridiculous friend: you always make me smile. i miss having class with you, and hope i still see you sometimes!
to a kind friend: thank you for everything… i’m pretty sure you have no idea how much your just being considerate has meant to me, pretty much since i met you. you’re another one i hope i get to be better friends with.
to a few other friends: you guys are awesome, truly beautiful people. i’m glad i know you.
to the rest of my friends: you’re all amazing and i love you. seriously, most of the good things i’ve directed towards specific (tho unnamed) people could apply to the vast majority of my friends. the specific ones are just when i think of that person, those things especially come to mind. i hate that whenever i spend too much time thinking, i inevitably end up being ridiculously sentimental about my fabulous friends, but thats how it is. you all mean the world to me, i am always here for you, and we should hang out, so call me.
Edit: Looking back on these 2.5 years later, I have no idea who most of these are directed towards, or what they’re referring to. But hey, whatev. And the first one… that’s still just plain funny.
it means interdependence in japanese. kinda nifty… and true. cause a single word can be true and all… but yea. it is.
people… i like them for the most part… at least the good ones. like my friends… i like them.
this weekend was interesting… a little draining by the end of it, but i was glad i could be there for several friends in need of a hug and someone to talk to for a while.
speaking of draining—> really bad soft-rock remakes of disney songs! ew!
people. they’re kind of silly sometimes. i had an interesting moment last night, realizing how different they can be without you really even noticing at first.
so there are these two guys i know. met one through the other, so i guess in my mind i kind of grouped them together. both christian, similar interests, ya know… in my head, the primary difference between them thus far had been average volume. haha. we’ll call them guy a and guy b.
so there’s this recurring event off campus (i won’t say what, as i don’t know who might read this, and many people would be able to easily identify those mentioned). decent numbers of people go, and both of the previously mentioned guys have at times provided transportation for me and others. last night as we’re coming back, and i realize how very different these guys are.
guy a is incessantly loud and rather obnoxious. being in a car with him usually entails being packed in like sardines, being deafened by music only he actually enjoys, and often fearing for your life. when we get back to campus, he pulls up right in front of his apartment, we get out, and he goes inside. he has no shame, blatantly coercing people to do what he wants, as favors done for him go unnoticed, and his friends (including guy b) are constantly apologizing for him to people who aren’t used to him yet.
guy b illuminates the contrast here, being characteristically kind and pleasantly calm. he offers a ride to only as many people as can actually fit in his car, keeps the music at a comfortable level, and doesn’t drive like a maniac. when we get back to campus, he drops everyone off at their own building before going back to his. when he pulled in to drop someone off across the street from the front of my complex, i offered to get out there to save him a stop, but he said no, he’d swing around, and turns around to pull in the back of the building to drop me off at the door right by my room! he is a genuinely nice guy, often the one covering for guy a, and always very considerate.
guy a sees you and yells whatever is on his mind (probably the same thing he just yelled to the last person he saw). guy b sees you, remembers what was going on last time he saw you, and asks how that’s going and how you are in general.
guy a makes me wonder… guy b redeems my faith in humanity.